Day 12 — Write a letter to: The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
*** Caution: Getting really personal***(But only because I feel right sharing this)
Dear ...,
I want you to know I don't hold anything against you anymore. I don't feel hate, I feel a special Love that I can't describe because of the things I've been through this forgiving process. And I wish that you would be able to read this if you were still a live... But you probably are reading over my shoulder or if someone happens to find this blog. I want to share with you what I went through(I'm only going to share what I feel I need to say).
It took me about a week or so to finally tell my parents as to what happened at the park that one day 12 years ago. I told my dad bits and pieces of what happened. Then about a week after the experience, I was woken up by my dad and I told my parents every detail of what happened. They were sorely worried about me and I refused any kind of help that they offered( counseling, help from the bishop, etc...), I was very prideful and wanted to do it all on my own. After you moved I felt more free and felt that I could be free and happy. But, I found times where things were brought up, and I would get flash backs like no other I hated it! Those flash backs were in my dreams, and today I don't have any dreams because I'm afraid that I'll have dreams of something happening to me, or someone else that is close to me getting attacked by someone that has an interesting mind like you had. You denied that you did anything to me when my parents called your parents. They grounded you for only 2 weeks! I didn't like that. But I had to learn to let it go. In 4th Grade I transfered to a different teacher so that I wouldn't be in the same class as you would be! I no longer trusted you or any other men in my life.
When I saw you in 8th grade, all of the flashbacks came back and knowing that you were in the same school as I was made me truly struggle inside! I was always scared of you! Other Girls had crushes on you, and I only knew you for who you were! And I could tell that you were still having the same habits with the Lying and other habits that you may have developed. When you were in my foods class, I was ok as long as you were at the opposite end of the class room. When Mrs. White put me almost directly next to you, was when I got scared, and I confronted to her that I wasn't comfortable with where I was sitting. She moved me back, and put someone else there. And I was fine again for the most part. With the state of mind I was in that year, I struggled with my grades, and everything else in my life. I should've had help, but still didn't get it. My younger Sister(at the time we didn't know what she was till she was born) became my motivation to live, I didn't have anything else keeping me up.
In High School, I finally got tired of everything that was going on in my head, I needed to get myself to move on, I knew I needed to and I wanted it! I just had no idea how to do it? So I asked my Seminary teacher and I treasure that letter he gave me inside my institute Scriptures! I told him that I was excited for my youngest sister to come into my family, and I asked how I would be able to get myself to move on? This is part of what he said to me: "I am excited you are getting another baby sister this month....What a Difficult and hurtful situation. There is an answer to your question though. The answers are found in the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ suffered for thing that we did not do wrong but are still painful. I would invite you to read, ponder, and Pray about Alma 7:7-12. Then, I would invite you to pray and ask the Lord specifically to help heal your hear and your mind. He may not completely take away the memory of what happened, but you will find greater peace, and greater strength to overcome the bad effects. I know he can heal those been harmed by others. We can ask our Father in Heaven to cleanse, and heal us through the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Try asking for this specifically in your prayers. Council with the Lord, Continue to tell him how you feel and how you are hurt, then ask him to help. I know the Lord hears and answers our prayers. Jesus has the capacity to give you a new heart and heal the wound that you could not help."I know he helped me out when I read that letter! I am so blessed to have a loving Heavenly Father that is there for me to help me through my trials, and even though some of those I put upon myself. I know that as long as I live the gospel now, I know I will get what he thinks what I deserve. I know that he helps those that have been victimized and everybody else in the world! I know the Atonement works and it has helped me to become the person I am today! And I know I will be used as a tool to help others heal! It's been a really rewarding experience throughout my life! :D I Love the Gospel! It has helped me and has always been so constant! I'm grateful for the Book of Mormon that it's helped me stay out of temptation and has helped make my day so much better! In the name of Jesus Christ Amen.
My Senior year was when I officially forgave you for the things that were done so long ago. In church I heard that there was going to be a fireside about the "Power of Forgiveness" I knew right away I needed to be there! The speaker was so amazing! Half of his family passed away from a car accident just over 4 years ago, and he came and talked about the experience and what lead up to that point in his life. He talked about experiences that taught him how to forgive those that did wrong to him(robbery mostly..), and when he got in the car accident he was able to forgive the 17 year old young man that was DUI and killed his pregnant wife and 2 of his children(not including the unborn child). He talked about as he was looking around in his surroundings, seeing his dead wife and unconcious children(one of them was at a Football Practice), He looked at the 17 year old young man and just prayed to Heavenly Father to help him forgive and hope for the best for this young man. He didn't hold a grudge from that Car Accident. He doesn't blam anybody at all!. When I heard that This man had immense peace and a huge amount of Love for the 17-year old. I thought to myself. "I want that!" and heard a voice, saying "Ask." So I gave it a try I prayed that I would be able to forgive you, and hope for the best for you, and have a certain kind of Love that can not be ever explained in words. I felt at peace and such relief that I started crying! I felt such joy, and was so happy that I felt that Senior was going to be the best year ever! And it did because of a change of heart, and Attitude! I had an amazing time through out that year.
Last time I saw you before you passed away, was 2 months before you passed away(at this time is was just over a year from when I first forgave him and put him in the Lord's hands), you came by my work to buy some Syringes. I don't know what you used them for but considering of what I heard of what you passed away from, I wasn't surprised to see you getting some at the time. Although I felt some grief, that you weren't doing anything to make you truly happy in your life. I was sorrowful for you. I wanted to see you happy, and make things all worth it! That's how much I love you, and since I know where you're at! I hope you are accepting the gospel, and being able to accept it as well and hopefully someone will do your work for you! I do remember recognizing your piercing, amazing Blue eyes, they were definitely lost. And you still had the behavior of snooping and being a silly little boy of trying to pick a specific needle you needed. My heart was beating so fast and I was freaking so much on the inside that I had my co-worker friend to ring you out. I was so scared out of my life to talk to you. Just because you forgive someone doesn't mean you have to talk to that person. Sometimes you're just not meant to be in each others lives!
I hope you are doing well, and I hope that you realize what truly brings true joy! And I hope you will be one of those to help convince those not to look, or act on stupid acts! I hope you are teaching others in the next life about the wonderful gospel! I'm so grateful I let you go into the Lord's hands when I did. It would've brought more regret if I didn't!
Love,
Swimmingviolist
Tell me: A song from a band you hate
Dynamite Lyrics
I throw my hands up in the air sometimes
Saying AYO!
Gotta let go!
I wanna celebrate and live my life
Saying AYO!
Baby, let's go!
I came to dance, dance, dance, dance
I hit the floor
'Cause that's my, plans, plans, plans, plans
I'm wearing all my favorite
Brands, brands, brands, brands
Give me space for both my hands, hands, hands, hands
Ye, ye
Cause it goes on and on and on
And it goes on and on and on
Yeah!
I throw my hands up in the air sometimes
Saying AYO!
Gotta let go!
I wanna celebrate and live my life
Saying AYO!
Baby, let's go!
'Cause we gon' rock this club
We gon' go all night
We gon' light it up
Like it's dynamite!
'Cause I told you once
Now I told you twice
We gon' light it up
Like it's dynamite!
I came to move, move, move, move
Get out the way me and my crew, crew, crew, crew
I'm in the club so I'm gonna do, do, do, do
Just what the fuck, came here to do, do, do, do
Ye, ye
Cause it goes on and on and on
And it goes on and on and on
Yeah!
I throw my hands up in the air sometimes
Saying AYO!
Gotta let go!
I wanna celebrate and live my life
Saying AYO!
Baby, let's go!
'Cause we gon' rock this club
We gon' go all night
We gon' light it up
Like it's dynamite!
'Cause I told you once
Now I told you twice
We gon' light it up
Like it's dynamite!
I'm gonna take it all like,
I'm gonna be the last one standing,
I'm alone and all I
I'm gonna be the last one landing
'Cause I, I, I Believe it
And I, I, I
I just want it all, I just want it all
I'm gonna put my hands in the air
Hands in the air
Put your hands in the air
I throw my hands up in the air sometimes
Saying AYO!
Gotta let go!
I wanna celebrate and live my life
Saying AYO!
Baby, let's go!
'Cause we gon' rock this club
We gon' go all night
We gon' light it up
Like it's dynamite!
'Cause I told you once
Now I told you twice
We gon' light it up
Like it's dynamite!
This song is a like but not love or maybe not even hate, I honestly don't care, I Like songs that have a good beat, and sometimes that can be bad if it means that the lyrics aren't so good... :P I know I need to change that... But this song is so annoying and over played on the radio and played at dances all the time! :P But, I do know how to have fun with this song regardless how many times I've heard it! I just let myself have fun! :D
I want to know: How you got one of your scars.
I have 2 scars on my face, but I'll talk about the one that you can actually see. It is on my right side cheek. My dimple. I used to have 2 dimples on my right side, till I got bit by a Cocker Spaniel. I was 5 years old and a friend convinced me to hug her dog. Yeah bad idea... since then I have a slight fear of dogs, but I am also a dog lover if a dog loves humans! :D I'm a little shy of dogs of those that snap at people, and don't like strangers so much. Anyways, that dog bite I got made my 2 dimples fuse into one. So it's a line going up and down. I hope you'll be able to see it. If you're having a hard time seeing it, you'll definitely see it a lot better when you see me in person! ;)
Show me A photograph of the town you live in.
Plain and simply, I Live somewhere in Utah, United States. ;)
"Life is tough but it's even tougher When you're stupid." (Do what works in Life) -Anonymous
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