I have been thinking very heavy about Forgiveness since last Night. Last night, I got really personal with a friend of mine about an experience that I don't talk about very often unless I am filled with the spirit, so that I am saying the right thing to the right person for the right reasons. I learned a very tough lesson to not talk about it very openly to people because simply people honestly don't know how to react when they hear of someone that has been victimized of different offenses. My dad also taught me a very good and important lesson when I was in High School while dealing with my own struggles.
"The difference between a 'Victim' and someone that has been 'victimized' is that the Victim holds to the grudge and doesn't move forward, and doesn't progress. The one that has been victimized is someone that has moved forward in life to fulfill their dreams."
At this time I feel I need to share my story, and I hope that this may help someone out there. If this ends up helping you please, keep it to yourself. If you feel you need to say "Thank You?" You may do so. I just ask you keep your name anonymous or if your user name hides that, you can just use that. I know for myself I'm not alone and I desire to help those that have gone through something something similar. I just hope and pray your heart and mind is open to at least read and listen.
I was 9 years old when I was victimized, I still remember to this day everything that happened at the park that day. But we're not here to talk about the details because they don't need to be known.
After that, it took me about a week or so to tell my parents as to what happened. For some reason I felt scared to tell them this happened. I didn't want to admit that I agreed to go with an absolute jerk to the park and he touched me "inappropriately" and I didn't know how else to describe it. But, I'm grateful for my parents for being there through all the tears and talks we've had during that time. I remember being very fearful to date(again I was 9) and that was when I learned about group dating once I turned 16. I totally took that in mind. I also remember feeling that things will never be the same, and wished for things to be "Normal again." Did those "Normal" things go back to where they were? No, but it turned me into someone better than I was before that experience.
In Jr. High, I faced my fears again when I saw that very person in the hall. He ended up being in one of my classes and my teacher was very helpful to keep me a good distance away from him(because obviously I didn't feel safe sitting next to him). I had anxiety and very dark thought all that year. The only thing that motivated me to not harm myself from such things was the fact that my mom was pregnant with one of my younger siblings at the time we didn't know what she was till she was born. She was my motivation, I didn't want her to find out why's What if's? How's? etc. I wanted to be there for my youngest sibling at the time. I was so excited that I just focused on that. I was also struggling with my testimony and dealing with the "Teen Crisis" stuff that comes when you're a teenager. So I moved forward, the best I could then.
My Sophomore Year, I was sick and tired of what I was feeling, and it was too long to hold onto something so dark. I knew I needed to move on with my life. In seminary, my teacher opened the door of opportunity to ask for what I was looking for. He said that we can write down any question about the gospel. And I told him about my experience and how I could get myself to forgive and move on. I also Shared that my mom was pregnant(again with my youngest sister that was to be born in October that year) He wrote me back (and I feel I need to share some parts of the letter he sent me) and I don't have it with me but here's what I remember most from it. He said: " I'm so excited for you to be in my class this year, and I'm so excited for your sister to join your family that is good. Now, your situation is a tough one... If you could look up Alma 7: 7-12(I'll add 13 too cause it's great too!)... He may not take away the memory, but he can take away the pain and help you feel at Peace. If you just pray and ask specifically what you are feeling and then ask specifically to take the pain away. I know you will feel at peace...." He said more, but that is what I remember (and I put some of the quote in my own words because I don't remember all of it. I will fix that.).
I don't remember how long it actually took me to actually do it, but one day I really felt even more that i needed to do it. I made sure I was alone, and I read Alma 7: 7-13 and it reads if you don't have a Book of Mormon.
"7For behold, I say unto you there be many thing to come; and of more importance than they all for behold, the time is not far distant that the Redeemer liveth and cometh among his people.
8Behold, I do not say that he will come among us at the time of his dwelling in his mortal tabernacle; for behold, the spirit hath not said unto me that this should be the case. Now as to the thing I do not Know; but this much I do know, that the Lord God hath power to do all things which are according to his word.
9 But behold, the Spirit hath said this much unto me, saying: Cry unto this people, saying-- Repent ye, and prepare the way of the Lord, and walk in his paths, which are straight; for behold, the kingdom of heaven is at hand and the Son of God cometh upon the face of the earth.
10 And behold, he shall be born of Mary, at Jerusalem which is the land of our forefathers, she being a virgin, a precious and chosen vessel, who shall be overshadowed and conceive by the power of the Holy Ghost, and bring forth a son, yea, even the Song of God.
11 And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of everykind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people.
12 And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities.
13 Now the Spirit knoweth all things; nevertheless the Son of God suffereth according to the flesh that he might take upon him the sins of his people, that he might blot out their transgressions according to the power of his deliverance;..."
After reading that I did what my teacher Challenged me to do, and that was to pray. I told him specifically what I was feeling and what I needed help with. The next 3 years next became the best years of my life at that time. I was on the Swim Team and in the Orchestra playing the Viola. I went on several dates with really good friends and getting to know some of the Amazing guys on my Team. Which was way fun! :D
My Senior year, (this to me is one of the best parts), came an opportunity to go to a fireside on the topic "The Power of Forgiveness" The man that was speaking; He and his family got hit by a Drunk Driver in Feb. 2007. And his Pregnant wife and 2 of his 5(or 4 I can't remember) kids passed away. He talked about his experience as to how he forgave this young man. He talked about experiences that lead up to the accident. The part I remember the most from it was that he learned to forgive very quickly where it took me 7 years to forgive the person that hurt me. He said that as he was looking around at his family seeing his wife, and kids in the car were unconcious. He looked over at the young man in the driver's seat and he just prayed that he would be able to forgive him and put him in the Lord's hands. And immediately he felt at peace and a Huge amount of Love for the Young Man. When I learned of what he did, I decided to give it a try. And I prayed specifically to put him in the Lord's Hands. Right when I ended the prayer, I knew I had enough faith to be able to have that happen. And I felt a huge amount of peace, and love towards the person that hurt me (of Christ like Love), it gave me pain that he was still inflicting pain upon himself and sadly other girls. I know he was in the Lord's hands from that time forth.
Below after I'm done is a talk that greatly touched my life and my heart. It brings a lot of healing to those that have been hurt by Abuse of some sort! I Love and truly forever grateful for Elder Scott! I know he has spoken on Forgiveness before and even a few times after that. But this particular talk touched my hear after everything was said and done my Senior Year. I remember hearing this right on my 18th Birthday and it brought so much peace, and it was exactly what I needed to hear. I hope that who ever is reading this, that they may be able to experience the same thing! :)
2 and a half years later(or almost 2 years ago). My Great Aunt Delene passed away, I miss her so much. And during the mourning process of my Aunt's Passing, I found some information on Facebook that this person passed away of a Drug Over Dose, I wanted to make sure it was really him and not the other person that has his same name. Sure enough it was him and as soon as I confirmed the information. I called my mom, I was so relieved, and interestingly to say I was ecstatic of finding out his death. What I mean by saying that was that he no longer was hurting himself or others anymore. I mourn with his family for his loss, and the fact that he died at 20 years old. That certainly is way too young to pass away. My point is, that he was literally in the Lord's hands. The last time I saw him(which was 2 months before his death, and he was purchasing a 10 pack of insulin syringes) was a message to me that he was still hurting himself and that the end for him was coming soon. I didn't recognize that thought to be that his death was coming just 2 months later. Heavenly Father is a very organized man. He sees his potential in everyone of his Children.
I know that he is there and continues to be there for me! I can go on and on about my life because, I've gone through a lot. But I feel I must Conclude of what I need to say. And I must bare my Testimony.
I know the gospel of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is true, and I know that Joseph Smith translated the Book of Mormon and I know the Book of Mormon is the Word of God as well as the Bible to be the word of God. I know that Christ lived and Died for us, and I know the Atonement is real, and that it works! I also know that there were Prophets living on the earth and that there is a Living Prophet today. I Love the Gospel and I Love my family. In the Name of Jesus Christ. Amen.
I bear solemn witness of how deeply I love our new prophet, seer, and revelator, President Thomas S. Monson—how deeply I trust him, and how I am willing to do whatever he asks me to do.
Some matters are so sensitive and intensely personal and can awaken such disturbing feelings that they are seldom mentioned publicly. Yet, if tenderly and compassionately treated in the light of truth, discussion of these matters can bring greater understanding, with the easing of pain, the blessing of healing, and even the avoidance of further tragedy.
It is with a deep desire to define a path to relief that I speak to you who suffer the shattering consequences of mental, verbal, physical, and especially sexual abuse. I speak also to those of you who cause it. I will focus on sexual abuse, although the counsel given should help the victims of other mistreatment. My intent is to act as a mirror so that divine, healing light can illuminate the dark clouds of distress caused by others’ unrighteous acts. May I be aided to communicate understandably, to provide help, and not further complicate a damaged life. It is also likely that greater understanding, awareness, and sensitivity may permit some of the rest of us to help resolve or prevent the tragedy of abuse in additional victims.
The rising tide of this vicious, abominable sin may not have touched your life personally. Yet it is pervasive enough in the world that it may have touched someone you love. It frequently causes such profound suffering— that can be overcome—that I want to speak of how healing can be attained. It will be done reverently, for my objective is to help heal and not aggravate painful memories.
Agency
Moral agency is a vital element in our Father in Heaven’s plan of happiness. He understood that some of His spirit children would use that agency improperly, causing serious problems to others. Some would even violate sacred trust, such as a father or family member abusing an innocent child. Since our Heavenly Father is completely just, there has to be a way of overcoming the tragic consequences of such damaging use of agency for both the victim and the perpetrator. That secure healing comes through the power of the Atonement of His Beloved Son, Jesus Christ, to rectify that which is unjust. Faith in Jesus Christ and in His power to heal provides the abused with the means to overcome the terrible consequences of another’s unrighteous acts. When combined with complete repentance, the Atonement also affords the perpetrator a way to avoid the severe punishment the Lord has decreed for such acts.
To the Victim
I testify that I know victims of serious abuse who have successfully made the difficult journey to full healing through the power of the Atonement. After her own concerns were resolved by her faith in the healing power of the Atonement, one young woman who had been severely abused by her father requested another interview with me. She returned with an older couple. I could sense that she loved the two very deeply. Her face radiated happiness. She began, “Elder Scott, this is my father. I love him. He’s concerned about some things that happened in my early childhood. They are no longer a problem for me. Could you help him?” What a powerful confirmation of the Savior’s capacity to heal! She no longer suffered from the consequences of abuse, because she had adequate understanding of His Atonement, sufficient faith, and was obedient to His law. As you conscientiously study the Atonement and exercise your faith that Jesus Christ has the power to heal, you can receive the same blessed relief. During your journey of recovery, accept His invitation to let Him share your burden until you have sufficient time and strength to be healed.
To find relief from the consequences of abuse, it is helpful to understand their source. Satan is the author of all of the destructive outcomes of abuse. He has extraordinary capacity to lead an individual into blind alleys where the solution to extremely challenging problems cannot be found. His strategy is to separate the suffering soul from the healing attainable from a compassionate Heavenly Father and a loving Redeemer.
If you have been abused, Satan will strive to convince you that there is no solution. Yet he knows perfectly well that there is. Satan recognizes that healing comes through the unwavering love of Heavenly Father for each of His children. He also understands that the power of healing is inherent in the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Therefore, his strategy is to do all possible to separate you from your Father and His Son. Do not let Satan convince you that you are beyond help.
Satan uses your abuse to undermine your self-confidence, destroy trust in authority, create fear, and generate feelings of despair. Abuse can damage your ability to form healthy human relationships. You must have faith that all of these negative consequences can be resolved; otherwise they will keep you from full recovery. While these outcomes have powerful influence in your life, they do not define the real you.
Satan will strive to alienate you from your Father in Heaven with the thought that if He loved you He would have prevented the tragedy. Do not be kept from the very source of true healing by the craftiness of the prince of evil and his wicked lies. Recognize that if you have feelings that you are not loved by your Father in Heaven, you are being manipulated by Satan. Even when it may seem very difficult to pray, kneel and ask Father in Heaven to give you the capacity to trust Him and to feel His love for you. Ask to come to know that His Son can heal you through His merciful Atonement.
It was Satan’s proposal that Father’s children be forced to obey, that there be no moral agency and therefore no personal growth. To preserve moral agency, the Lord does not restrain individuals from improper use of that agency. However, He will punish them for such acts unless there is full repentance. Through the Holy Ghost, He sends warning promptings to the abuser, but often that individual’s degrading appetite is so powerful that it blocks out that spiritual guidance. That is why our Father provided a way to heal the consequences of acts that, through force, misuse of authority, or fear of another, temporarily take away the agency of the abused. *Wait, I'm confused, Why does he take away the agency of the Abuse? Any body care to elaborate to help me understand?*
The beginning of healing requires childlike faith in the unalterable fact that Father in Heaven loves you and has supplied a way to heal. His Beloved Son, Jesus Christ, laid down His life to provide that healing. But there is no magic solution, no simple balm to provide healing, nor is there an easy path to the complete remedy. The cure requires profound faith in Jesus Christ and in His infinite capacity to heal. It is rooted in an understanding of doctrine and a resolute determination to follow it.
Healing may begin with a thoughtful bishop or stake president or a wise professional counselor. (***I highly recommend this***)If you had a broken leg, you wouldn’t decide to fix it yourself. Serious abuse can also benefit from professional help. There are many ways to begin healing, but remember that a full cure comes through the Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, our Master and Redeemer. Have faith that with effort His perfect, eternal, infinite Atonement can heal your suffering from the consequences of abuse.
As impossible as it may seem to you now, in time the healing you can receive from the Savior will allow you to truly forgive the abuser and even have feelings of sorrow for him or her. When you can forgive the offense, you will be relieved of the pain and heartache that Satan wants in your life by encouraging you to hate the abuser. As a result, you will enjoy greater peace. While an important part of healing, if the thought of forgiveness causes you yet more pain, set that step aside until you have more experience with the Savior’s healing power in your own life. 1
(***I never thought of that...***)
If you are currently being abused or have been in the past, find the courage to seek help. You may have been severely threatened or caused to fear so that you would not reveal the abuse. Have the courage to act now. Seek the support of someone you can trust. Your bishop or stake president can give you valuable counsel and help you with the civil authorities. Explain how you have been abused and identify who has done it. Ask for protection. Your action may help others avoid becoming innocent victims, with the consequent suffering. Get help now. Do not fear—for fear is a tool Satan will use to keep you suffering. The Lord will help you, but you must reach out for that help.
Do not be discouraged if initially a bishop hesitates when you identify an abuser. Remember that predators are skillful at cultivating a public appearance of piety to mask their despicable acts. Pray to be guided in your efforts to receive help. That support will come. Rest assured that the Perfect Judge, Jesus the Christ, with a perfect knowledge of the details, will hold all abusers accountable for every unrighteous act. In time He will fully apply the required demands of justice unless there is complete repentance. Your preoccupation with a need for justice only slows your healing and allows the perpetrator to continue his abusive control. Therefore you should leave punishment for the diabolic acts of abuse to civil and Church authorities.
To the Perpetrator
Now, to the perpetrator who has shattered the life of another by abuse: Recognize that you need help with your addiction or it will destroy you. You will not overcome it by yourself. You likely need specialized professional help. I plead with you to seek to be rescued now. You likely have deceived yourself in the false, temporary security that you have successfully hidden your transgression from the civil or Church authorities. But know that the Lord Jesus Christ is completely aware of your sins. He has warned: “Whoso shall offend one of these little ones … , it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea.” 2 Know that even without action by a victim, your act of abuse will be publicly known, for Satan will expose you, then abandon you.
Simplify your life by taking steps now to cleanse your soul from such sin and resolve the penalties they evoke. Show your desire to heal the anguish that you have caused others. Talk to your bishop or stake president. The seriousness of your acts may require you to face civil and Church discipline. But full repentance will bring the sweet relief of forgiveness, peace of conscience, and a renewed life.(I think that's for everybody) It will also bring relief to the abused and their families. You will be free of the weight of remorse and the accusing thoughts of what you have caused in grief and anguish in another’s life. Recognize that it is much easier to repent in this life than it will be in the next, so repent now. You will be helped when you decide to be freed from your addiction through repentance and the support of others. Be grateful that you didn’t live anciently when abusers were stoned to death without the opportunity for repentance. 3
To Parents
Parents, in appropriate, sensitive ways, teach your children of the potential danger of abuse and how to avoid it. Be aware of warning signs, such as an abrupt change in a child’s behavior, that may signal a problem. Be alert to a child’s unsettled feelings and identify their origin.
To Judges in Israel
To you who hold the keys of a judge in Israel, painstakingly assure that every individual that is suffering from abuse receives appropriate help. The Church handbook and the help line listed there are valuable resources to guide your ecclesiastical action and coordination with civil authorities.4 Carefully supervise the participation of any individual who may have had past offenses. Recognize that it is very unlikely that a perpetrator will confess his depraved acts. Seek the guidance of the Spirit when you feel that something may be amiss. Enlist the help of ward and stake leaders to avoid potential dangers.
I pray that you, as one abused or one who has caused it, will act now to avail yourself of the healing power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. I testify that your faith and obedience will assure that He will help you. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
Like in this talk I agree with everything. I too found my self asking questions and making comments through the talk, and I'm sorry ahead of time if that disrupted you from feeling the spirit. Like I said at the beginning. I hope this will help someone. I felt I needed to share. If you leave a comment, please nothing inappropriate and please, leave your name anonymous. I don't want to know your name. Your username is fine.
