Deitrick and broke up... simply of the reason that we both prayed about it... and simply we aren't meant to be together... :( It was hard, and it still is, because I still have feelings for him! And He has the same feelings for me! The thing that was funny, we both came to that realization on the same day, and talked about it the next day in person... He was the one that brought it up, partly because I didn't want to break up yet... But it's for the best I guess... I'll learn to move on. We decided together to just be friends, of which I'd rather happen than a horrible break up ending in a fight and having drama all the time you run into each other and ignore each other... it's better to end on good terms and not talk than not talk at all...
This weekend Deitrick's phone turned off because his father turned it off... And I went crazy, because he is my best friend right now that I tell pretty much everything to! And him not having a phone, I just went crazy! I totally didn't sleep well the last 2 nights because I usually called him when going to bed and would chat with him for a little bit. I know it sounds like we're still together...
Since I moved back to my parent's house in Lehi, I have been I guess you can say a different person than what I've been used to for about a year! because I am back to my old ways of being home all the time and being bored... most of my friends that I enjoy hanging out with live in Orem/provo area, and I can't exactly go out and hang out with them... Buses always come late, or I go out end up having fun that I want to stay out late and not want to come home. I Love being home... but, when I was in Orem, It took me 5 to ten minutes to the bus stop to get me where ever I wanted to go, whether I was going to the mall, or to UVU, or to meet up with some friends to hang out... Or I had friends that lived a few minutes away to pick me up and drive somewhere to go have fun! It was so much easier to get around... where in Lehi, I Live about a mile away from the nearest Bus stop! I miss having my own space to just breath when needed, and having a place to myself for a couple hours or so while my roommate was out and about. Here I am complaining about everything in my life is so messed up and what not... I need to start thinking about what I am truly thankful for! Probably things will look better that way!
Today, I'm grateful that I at least have a job. I don't like my work environment right now... Which I know is at every work place you go to. But at Where I work, it used to not be the way it is right now... People still gossiped which I chose to stay out of that and still do...But it was kind of a party! I worked with a ton of great and fun people. Through this past year and a half it feels like everything is changing. People are more moody than usual, I can understand every once in a while... but everyday? Gah! I want to be happy at work! And finding a better job right now is not going so well... :P
As you all know I failed the test for the 3rd time... I'm not sure if I want to take the test again... :( How sad is that? :( If I do take the test again I'll probably take it in November... Cause I think by then I'll be ready to do it again and my mind will be more clear!
This past weekend I got a New book! :D Backlash by Traci Hunter Abramson(my favorite Author! :) It's a really good book! haha!
Yesterday(October 17,2010), I got to go to Ward Prayer with my ward in Orem! Oh it was nice to see people again! I Miss that ward like crazy! It felt better to be around Deitrick when other people were around, but when we were alone driving in the car to a destination, it was tough! I wanted to cuddle, hug, and just be close, and just feel Loved! I told him when I dropped him off at his house, that I liked being with him when being with a Group of people. Being alone with him just drove us crazy! And it would just hurt us more!
Right now, I'm not wanting to be home... I'm wanting to be out and about doing things with friends so that I won't think too much! Basically I want to distract myself even though I can't deny what I felt for deitrick was real. I just need friends and be more social and put myself out there! And just have fun! Just not too much fun right?! haha! :D
"Life is tough but it's even tougher When you're stupid." (Do what works in Life) -Anonymous
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